Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
