you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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