Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
