dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
