You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
