I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
