i just google imaged poop.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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