PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
