she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
