i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
