They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
