If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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