I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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