Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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