i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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