in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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