I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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