Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
