Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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