I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
