Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
