Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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