Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
