PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
