Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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