Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
