I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
