I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
