She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
