Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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