you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
