I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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