Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
