dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh god it's open bar.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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