i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I want a musical about memes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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