There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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