dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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