drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
