I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
