I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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