The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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