Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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