In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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