i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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