The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
