I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
