You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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