Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
