By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
