started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
