Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
